I can’t shake this feeling and I doubt I ever will.

Yeah I’ve made mistakes. I don’t regret them. Shit happens. I’m happy and I have the support of my friends and family which is more important to me than being in a one sided relationship that they warned me about in the first place. Pour heart, soul, and money into one person and try to give them the world and they do nothing but spit in your face. I look back on it and feel that it’s a waste, but I know somehow it will teach me something. I tried and that’s all that matters. Not going to make her out to seem like a shitty human being like she has done/will do to me. I won’t stoop that low. 

I just want to wake up and have everything the way it used to be.

Wish I had someone to talk to.

I thought things would get easier. I put up this front that I’m okay even though I’m trying my best to keep myself together. Kills me that I miss you so much and that you’re still a part of me  i feel weak  

I have this drug called hate flowing through my veins. Cut me open and see what misery is like. I can’t look anyone in the eyes without disgust. Searching life for something to love. Behind these dead eyes there’s no love for the world. I feel trapped by this world, because l’ve looked and found there’s nothing good in years. So what’s left when all you know is pain? Fuck this life. Fuck destiny and fate. Behind these dead eyes there’s no love for the world. This place it has left me alone;   self-imprisoned, and I have grown cold, and I have grown numb. Love is a weakness and remorse is for fucking cowards.

I am falling apart. I haven’t been able to eat, sleep, focus, or just do normal things for the past few days. I just don’t know what to do with myself. The one person that made me whole left me Saturday night. its 2008 all over again. The worst part is waking up and realizing that it isn’t a nightmare, its reality.

Today was much needed. I got up at 3:30 am and left for PA at 4 to see my girlfriend. We had a relaxing day that we both needed to relieve stress and figure things out. Amazing how one person can make everything seem so clear.